In an effort to dig out of the crappy day yesterday was, we went to the Oakland Zoo today. We bought the membership, because it is only $20 more than the admission price for our crew and we plan to make this a frequent thing. The drive is not bad at all, about 30 minutes.
We had a blast. It was great to get out, see the animals, and enjoy each other. I also found out that this zoo membership allows us access to other zoos and parks around here, so I think we will do a lot of this during the summer.
I am processing some feelings regarding Georgiy's bio mom. I am thrilled we found her and I am glad she has some peace now. I did not expect my own jumbled emotions now, a week later. I feel a bit like I have no right to him. I was priviliged enough to be able to adopt him. She had no options to raise him. I am finding myself wondering what she would have done if she *had* had options. I am sad for her in so many ways.
I know this sounds strange perhaps, but I think it makes sense to share anyway, because someone else may end up in a similar position and need to know they are not alone. Finding Georgiy's mama feels wonderful and at the same time it feels like a small setback in our attachment journey, for *me*. I am not sure why, but I feel like we were set back a few steps on a board game, if that makes sense. I am struggling with some feelings of guilt I did not expect. It is not like I could have done anything different, and I know adopting Georgiy is a positive thing for all involved really. And yet, when I tuck him in at night, I fight tears at times because I have him here with me and she does not.
I am making an album for her that I hope to send her in a few weeks. I think that might be therapeutic for us both.
A
4 comments:
I'm happy you all had a nice time at the zoo.:)
As for your emotions, I am praying for you. Georgiy's birth Mom knew she could not take care of him in Ukraine, so she prayed for a good person to adopt him and give him the love and the life he deserved. God heard her prayers.... and He called on you to give Georgiy that love and that life that he deserves. Please know that you deserve to be that person, because God chose you.
God Bless!
Amy
You are so sweet Amy:)
I know it in my head. My heart is having a bit of a hard time catching up, but I am sure it will get there.
I think it really speaks for your compassion for people that you are concerned about his bio-mother's feelings as well as your own.
Anna, you are an incredible woman, and you were exactly who God wanted for Georgiy's forever mama.
You are such an advocate for children and families, I could see this adoption leading to more than just Georgiy having a forever family...I have no doubt that you will find a way to make a difference for another mama faced with giving up her special-needs child b/c of the inability to care for him/her.
Oh Anna, what a beautiful mom & example you are! Wow! to stir over what Georgiy's bio. mom is feeling just goes to shows how much love your heart holds for your son and the reality of what you know she's missing:( God purposed Georgiy's life long ago...and He knew from the start he would be your son. He knew the journey your heart and faith would go thru for this little guy. Don't ever question whose son he is..Your his mama, God blessed you with him..his bio. mom is going on her own journey for sure and I have no doubt she's grateful for you and for Georgiy being with you.
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