It always used to be like this. When we got together I had long been out of the habit of going to church. Growing up, church was not a comforting wonderful thing. Far from it. I still went to church when I moved to the US at the age of nineteen, because I felt that God would not be able to love me if I did not.
I can honestly say I have never ever attended church and felt close to God. Most every church service for me is an exercise in drowning out and pushing down the flood of memories that are brought on by the very experience of church.
When I married Isaac I had already stopped going. It was just too hard. I am fine with people judging that. I have no intention of posting the reasons why. I am sure that if my sister is reading this she will know exactly why. I remember her coming for a visit to the US 10 years or so ago and seeing this hand made cross that my now ex husband had hanging on the wall in our hallway. That cross had always been an issue for me but I had left it there because I thought I was being ridiculous and I should just get over it. She stood there, looked at it and said: "Ugh". I looked at her and said:" Yeah, huh?" And she said:" Dad". And I said: :" Yeah!"
And with that somewhat strange exchange of barely any words, we just removed that cross and put it away. Neither one of us could handle it at that time. There was a wordless understanding.
Now married to a Catholic, he began praying for his new family. I did not know he did that until later. He quietly attended Mass alone and never once asked me to come because well..he knew. He was not going to push it. Slowly over time I came with him ocasionally. I know his heart's desire was to have his marriage convalidated in the church. In order for that to happen I had to go through RCIA and convert to Catholicism. I agreed somewhat reluctantly. It was never easy, but I came to love the Catholic Faith. The sad thing is that when I officially converted, I lost many of my Christian friends because they believe that Catholicism is a cult and they are not true Christians.
I got quite involved at the parish we attended, including being on the worship team. The kids went with us and Jay ended up being the drummer for our Life Teen Mass. It seemed like a really good thing for everyone.
Isaac was happy and as a whole, I began to enjoy Mass in general. Being there was soothing.
We were so excited to share our decision to adopt Georgiy with our church family. When we got our travel date and I was sure this was really happening this time, we talked with our new priest about the adoption and told him about Reeces Rainbow.
Talk about a cold shower. We were treated very poorly. He did not seem to believe the fate of special needs orphans in Eastern Europe and accused us of being involved in an illegal adoption. We gave him all the proof needed to teach him otherwise, but he was not interested. I was floored. My emails went unanswered, and our phone calls ignored. We were unable to share our journey to Georgiy with our church family, but what was even worse is that we could not bring him to church either, because the priest considered him our "illegally adopted" child. And after all the Georgiy had already faced in his birth country, I was not about to have that visited on him at church of all places.
The Church is opposed to artificial birth control and advocates being open to life as a married couple. For us, that led to a tubal reversal and 7 subsequent miscarriages in 3 years. Instead of support and joy when announcing our adoption , we got told we were not allowed to share (or ask for prayer) until we proved we were not active participants in an adoption scam.
Neither of us us could go back after that.
There were other issues that I will not bore anyone with. But that was the most devastating one.
So here we are. We have attended a few Masses at a few different places, but I could honestly have cared less. Even Isaac is not thrilled with it.It is just not the same. I stopped going altogether. It is just really broken to pieces for me. We spent 3 year agonizing over doing the right thing in line with what the church teaches, and the end result when we did something SO right ( adopting Georgiy) we were chastised.
I don't want to go to the Catholic Church anymore. I really just do not....I saw more of Jesus in an orphanage in Ukraine than I did in Church, to be honest.
But I am sad that a vibrant parish that we were part of for 3 years and very active in turned us down out of sheer ignorance. It all feels like wasted time. And to watch my husband's devastation over it all is very hard. I am sure there is a plan. I just don't get it.
9 comments:
I am so sorry for what has happened to you all in the name of "Religion” All that you need to concentrate on is a relationship with Christ. Be it in a Church, a home, an Orphanage miles away from home. The place does not matter it is the relationship.
I have lots of friends who are Catholic and are some of the best people I know and their relationship with God is amazing.
Again I am sorry for your hurt and am praying for you and your wonderful gift from God Georgie
I'm so sorry.
~Lisa (RR)
I am heartbroken to read this. I have a friend who is Catholic and she received a very poor response from her priest recently about adoption as well. This is so sad!! I pray you will find a new church family. This is the sort of thing that makes it heard to find a church home. Please do not give up!
Shea, I am so sorry your friend had to experience a similar negative response. I find it bizarre that someone who chose to serve God as a priest can be so cold. But I can't forget that they also are human. It is just hard to understand. I am bummed that getting Georgiy baptized is obviously not happening any time soon...we have no church.
I am completely WTF over this. Seriously! I mean, I know that priests and parish members are just as susceptible to prejudice and sin as the rest of us, but you would think that they would look beyond it and learn about international adoption. And seriously! Its been in the news with LOTS of high profile (Madonna, Brad and Angelina, etc) people adopting from other countries.
This saddens me. I'm sorry to hear that they are missing out on such a wonderful family and the blessings of a new son. :(
I think he just completely flipped his lid when he heard that SN orphans get transfered to mental institutions and decided I was making this up or doing something wrong. But then did not want to see the evidence of A) the truth regarding the mental institutions and B) the legal status of our adoption when both were presented. We instantly became outcasts.
Crazy.
Hey sis,
Reading your story about the cross in your hallway ten yearsago...i remember again.
And Yes i completely understand that going to church is confronting you with old memories.
((((anna))))))
Love ya....xxxx Nijk
I've read your blog for the last few weeks, and am so incredibly sad that you (and Georgiy) were treated in such a horrible manner. You have a beautiful story, and Georgiy is an incredible little boy.
I am Catholic, and believe without a doubt that God has called me to the Catholic faith. I've also struggled with difficult people who are Catholic, and know that sometimes it's very difficult to separate our faith from the behavior of those who also claim to follow the teachings of our Church.
I really believe, though, that God often calls us to witness to others in ways that we would never imagine.
I love reading about Mother Teresa, and her eventual total commitment to the outcasts of society. It always amazes me that she was working in India in a private girls school for several years, and struggled with the fact that no one was prepared to take care of the beggars and invalids lying in the streets that she and the other nuns saw every day.
When she began her ministry, other members of the Church even tried to stop her!
I think that Andrea's crusade to raise awareness of these children (which has really impacted me) is similar. People are blinded to the needs of these children, sometimes intentionally, and sometimes not.
Don't let this experience deter you from your faith, though, because God has called you to it. And, he called you to Georgiy. He will not leave you alone. You may need to find another parish, but don't give up.
And, God needs you to keep advocating for all those left behind.
If you'd like, email me at anna@annatorreslaw.com I have a couple of other questions for you, and may have some suggestions.
Wow, I am so sorry to read your post and how you have struggled so much. Then, to reach out and become a part of a church, only to be treated in such a way...
My husband had a horrible experience in church as a young adult and he left it for many, many years, with very bitter memories. He met me and as we courted, he says that he saw Christ in its true form without all of the rules and rituals and seniority of a church. He came back to the Lord and we now go to church together and he and I love walking as Christians together, but he still has haunting memories of what happened to him in his much younger life.
Sometimes, in cases like these, it is best to simply watch church on TV, read your Bible, and get Bible study books from Christian bookstores. And of course, Christian music is WONDERFUL. Sometimes, these "solo" methods of drawing closer to God are safer and more comforting. Yes, God wants us to draw together with other Christians, but He also knows each of us individually, and He certainly understands ALL of our issues.
Hang in there. Don't give up. God bless;
Missy
Hoping to be Simon's mom
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