Of small boys and Coffee House

There is a small boy sitting next to me on the love seat listening to Yahoo Coffeehouse radio. His love for music is so strong that he will just sit there, completely still and mesmerized. Amazing for an otherwise squirmy person! Every once in a while we smile at each other and cuddle. Simple enough, right?

But it is not that simple. We have been home a month, and slowly but surely Georgiy is beginning to feel like he is my child. I know that sounds a bit odd. After 8 years of foster care though, I am very used to kids coming and caring for them. What I am NOT used to is one that gets to stay.

Especially over the last year, many kids came and went because for some odd reason we ended up being put on the list of foster parents who would take emergency placements.I won't say no because I will not turn away a needy child but maaaaaaan that was one crazy few months. There were 10 days in August where we had 5 placements in the course of that time, all emergency.Ages teenager to 2. One child would be picked up and the next was already being carried into the house by yet another social worker. One of the last ones before we left for Ukraine was 2 and a half year old Abby. She was one of those kids who had not been used to a steady schedule, cuddles and a full belly. I have never seen a child so delighted with a simple Eggo waffle and a bottle of milk. We would strap her in her carseat (the carseat we had to run out and buy at WalMart because we don't normally take babies at all, but by then we had given up on normalcy)and she would squeel with delight the entire drive to drop of our teenager at school.

Abby was only with us 5 days. We got the call that due to a technicality she had to be returned to her mom, something everyone involved knew was not a good idea. Mom had a long history with CPS involving many of Abby's siblings. I can only imagine the things Abby will experience before hopefully someone gets to intervene more effectively.

Abby was picked up one morning by her social worker. I won't easy forget strapping her in the carseat of the social worker's car and the moment Abby realized I was not getting in the car with her. She reached out for me and let out a bloodcurling scream. That baby cried so hard I could still hear her as they drove off.

I hate that part of foster care. The leaving sucks.

For the first week or two, I loved Georgiy but I had a hard time feeling like he was ours. I kept a bit of a distance emotionally, somehow waiting for the phone to ring or a white car with a yellow round county logo that might park in the driveway. Crazy how the mind works. I KNEW in my head I had a court decree that says he is our son forever. But my heart was not able to grasp it. I felt guilty but I also knew it would just take time. It is hard though, to think things like: "What if someone calls CPS because he is so small for his age and they might take him from me, thinking I don't feed him?" Yeah yeah I know, crazy. Keeping it real, right? (thanks Christine LOL! I think you might have started a trend!)

This past week I have had more and more moments where I can enjoy him and not have that nagging wonder. It feels good to start to feel like here is the baby that gets to stay.

I pray for Abby today. May God keep her safe and let her be raised where He would have her. I hope she is okay.