Mornin'

Morning began at 3 am for me, thanks to Jet Lag, your ever present friend in travel.

Last night was very interesting. We watched what basically amounts to the Ukrainian version of American Idol. I can honestly say we have not laughed that hard in years. It must have been a funny bunch of folks even to the judges because they were in stitches a lot of the time as well.

There was the amazingly gorgeous woman in a skin tight black leather pantsuit who danced. She did so well, and was so pretty it was breathtaking. Then comes the time for her to hear the opinions of the judges. She responds. And we all realize with a bang that "she" is a "he"! Judges had no clue. My 6 year old daughter watches this all intently of course and I know it is too late to avoid some serious explanation. The looks on the faces of the judges were hysterical.

The next contestant is a woman (yes a real one this time) dressed in a white wedding dress. She begins to dance and mid dance produces a white dove from her dress, then ditches the dress altogether. What is left is her wearing white fish net stockings, something that must have been a pair of panties in a former life but now is Desperately Seeking Fabric, and a bra in similar condition. She turns away from the judges and beeeeeeeends over slooooooowly. Judges faces turning red in no time. Eyes down. Good boys.

In the meantime, the dove is feeling less than peaceful about this whole ordeal and is praying for forgiveness while flapping his wings frantically. I don't think that bird was in on the missing dress deal and he now has

a) no place to look without sinning, which for a possible descendant of the Dove That Found Land For Abraham cannot be a good thing and

b) no place to land without slipping. Sucks to be him.

Meantime, his dancing owner turns, twists, and otherwise exercises her art. Bird flaps around in a panic. She swats him off repeatedly like he is an annoying fly. She lays down , gracefully spreads both her legs in a graceful dance move and birdie...uhm..

found land.


My abdominal muscles may never, ever recover from this.